Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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