I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was born a porn star she said
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
