spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
