Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
