What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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