she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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