I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
