i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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