I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
