Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
