I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
