You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
