1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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