You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
