i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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