Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
