I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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