He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
