Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
