I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
