Tell her she can't have a vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
