idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
