dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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