This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
