You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
