god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
