i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
