Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
