Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
