The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
