I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
