You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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