Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
