I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
