Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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