i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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