I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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