Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
