Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
