Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
