I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
