Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
