we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
