you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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