hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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