What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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