Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
