I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Even my vagina gasped.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
