Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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