you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
