Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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