Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
