she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
