Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
