I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
