mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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