you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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