my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
being pregnant is like rehab
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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