how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i believe in u and ur pee
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