Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How does one acquire holy water?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
